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I truly believe that a lot of couples don’t have what we have, but a lot of those couples still have more commitment…and therein lies the rub… See, I edited Sophie’s letter for brevity (really, I did!
That sounds amusing but many online daters dwell on internet communication overly long. They wanted me to get the show on the road and they were right to feel that way.
I made this mistake early on and now understand why a few girls, after several emails, would ask direct questions like “Is there anything else you would like me to answer? There are times where you will feel like you are communicating with a “great catch” only to realize what a mistake that was 60 seconds into the first date.
Their girlfriends were all 3-4 years older, and they were feeling far more biological pressure than I suspect that you do. Thus, the only leverage you have is to walk away from him and see if he follows. These are just things that you might do to avoid breaking up, but they don’t ensure that you’ll be together forever. You talk about your boyfriend’s “professional priorities” that prevent him from proposing. My best friend is getting married this week even though he’s quitting his safe job as a lawyer to start his own company. Hopefully by dating, she -and eventually he- will see her real values.
And yet, despite their ticking clocks, they hung in there patiently, just like you… That’s when they decided to leave if they didn’t get a ring. At the 3-year mark, there’s literally no new information that your boyfriend is trying to gather about you. If you want to be married, it’s time for him to step up and marry you. I assure you, if your guy wanted to marry you, it would happen.
It is important to meet early on so less time is spent talking to the wrong person and more time is spent trying to find the right one. The first date should be planned not long after communication has begun.
It is personal preference on how long to wait but there are very few reasons to delay.
I love your column and think you do a great job of answering questions and concerns with sympathy, empathy and insight. I asked if that’s why he doesn’t want to move in—because he’s afraid we’ll break up and it’ll be a pain to move out.
We knew a couple who broke up after living together.
Right now we see each other 4-5 times a week, and I mostly I stay at his place.
He also has this professional project that’s a big priority.
I know this all sounds like justification, but he really has made improvements in the past year.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating